– By Balu
In the first part of this article, we mostly saw references from Tolkāppiyam. This article will discuss certain other Sangam poetries too with reference to gender.
The typical patriarchal practice of ‘handing over’ a woman to a man like an object is portrayed in these lines. And this apparently is what a wedded course was considered to be.
In a poem in Nattrinai, the heroine does not fear death, but is scared that she might forget her lover in the next birth. It portrays that a woman once engaged in a relationship with a man considered him as a partner forever including her next birth. This reminded me of ‘Ikran,’ a winged creature of Pandora in the movie Avatar, used for hunting and for flying, could bond with only one Navi in its lifetime. Fortunately there was no concept of rebirth in Pandora.
In case of death of her husband, the woman had to undergo the cruelty of widowhood which was referred as ‘Kaimai’. A woman describes in graphic detail the hardship of ‘Kaimai:’ ornaments shed, head shaven and seeds of water lily was eaten as food. The poet feels it is better to die than to live a life like that.
In history, we have read about women committing suicide after a defeat in war due to fear of being raped by enemies. But here we read about women committing suicide immediately after the death of their husbands because they feared going through widowhood. One poem in Kurunthogai describes how after the death of a male monkey, its mate unable to bear the ‘pain of widowhood,’ gives off its newly born young one to her clan and jumps off from a tall mountain to die. This is obviously a metaphor but goes to depict the pathetic condition of widowhood. It is to be noted that the woman chose to die in this case not because she could not bear the death of her husband but because she did not want to bear the pain of widowhood that would have been inflicted upon her.
The man does not stay away from the woman during her fertile period in a month even when he is separated from her and pursuing another woman and this is portrayed as the hero being considerate to the heroine.
If we notice the right to express, we find that there are various restrictions to women than to men. Woman whatever be the circumstance should not indulge in self-praise in the presence of the man.
However a man indulging in self-praise in front of the woman, when he goes out on his mission is accepted as the norm.
The woman would express her passion to the man not explicitly, but could do so only through suggestive modes because of her feminine traits ( the very same Acham, Madam).
It is also specifically mentioned that it is rare for a woman to verbally respond to the man’s proposal. She should do so only through non-verbal suggestive responses.
Further it is said that as eyes cannot hide the love, it will reveal the passion of love to the Man.
In the course of such non expression, miscommunication happens in one Kurunthokai poem written by Avvaiyar. ‘I thought he would not leave and he thought I would not agree. Our strong will created problems and I now suffer.’
A boy teasing and annoying a girl who ultimately falls in love with him is a theme we see in many Tamil movies. It was prevalent in sangam period too. Here the woman when she was a young girl and playing with her friends was troubled by a boy, kicking their sand houses, pulling flower strands from their hair etc., Much later the boy comes to her home asking for water and when she gives him water, the boy seizes her hand and presses it. She shouts but when her mother enquires she says he had hiccups. The mother stroked his back gently asking him to drink slowly while he looked at her through the corners of his eyes and smiled. It is constructed as a romantic situation but the subtext is clearly misogynistic: the boy harasses girls while young and while grown up he has the audacity to grab her hand smug with the notion that she would not put him in trouble. True to word the woman recounts the incident to her friend as if he was mischievous then and naughty now with the added observation of him giving her ‘killer looks.’ There was obviously no concept of sexual harassment or sexual consent that either sexes had to be aware about.
Yet another instance when the boy grips a girl’s hand against her wishes, she asserts her displeasure and distress by saying that ‘you can’t do this just because you enjoy it.’ He appeals to her ‘to stop analyzing it and to use her high intellect.’ He further justifies: ‘water is sweet to the thirsty person, but it’s not sweet to the water itself’ (whatever that may mean!). He also says that it is alright to steal and take a girl who is distressed by a five-headed snake. Later the girl presumes that if such is the situation probably she was united with him in the past birth and hence gives in. Again the man does not heeds to the opinion of the woman and instead bulldozes without any concern for her.
In case a woman does not accept the man, he threatens to kill himself or performs an act called ‘Madalerudhal’ wherein he humiliates himself in the streets by wearing a cheap flower (Erakum) garland, hanging the picture of the Woman in his neck and climbing on a horse made of Palmyra leaves. It appears to be a kind of blackmailing technique intended to intimidate the woman.
Of course, in no case the woman is allowed to act so.
The condition of the wife being dominant and the husband being submissive is found only during the ‘love-quarrel’ (oodal), which clearly suggests that otherwise it’s only the husband who could dominate.
In one verse in Tolkappiyam, it is said that the man has privileged the woman to a wedded state. It further portrays the woman resisting the advances of the man though she is equally interested. This image of the virtuous woman being reticent survives till date and gives rise to the popular notion of ‘a woman saying no when she means a yes.’ This ties up with not bothering about consent in a relationship.
There are no references to female-infanticide or explicit dismissal about the birth of a girl child in Sanga illakiyam, However the pride of having or giving birth to a male child has been depicted in many occasions like this: ‘The words of women who had given birth to male children are so powerful that it will become true’ and ‘The Man appreciating the Woman who has given him a son to carry on his legacies.’
Hitherto whatever I have discussed was about the protagonists – Man (Thalaivan/Hero) and Woman (Thalaivi/Heroine). Apart from them there exist other characters too but whose love life, family life, social life, etc. are barely talked about. To some extent the life of three other women in relation to the protagonists find mention. They are the foster mother, friend and the ‘other’ woman.
The foster mother (Sevili) and the friend (Thozhi) of the woman play a very important role in the life of protagonists, for they were quite knowledgeable. However there is no mention about their love life or wedded life. The Thozhi is often the daughter of Sevili and then later she became the Sevili of Thalaivi’s daughter.
The foster mother is more worried about the Thalaivi than her own daughter. The Sevili visits the married daughter and narrates to the mother what she witnessed. The Sevili talks about the richness of Thalaivi’s natal family and compares it to the poor condition she is presently in and praises her for having accustomed.
The Parathai (Concubine) whom the Thalaivan visits for pleasure is otherwise neglected and the hero is not bothered about her emotions, feelings or situation of her life. Even though the Thalaivi feels worried and jealous, she still talks about her with respect and even refers to her as sister. In this poem, the emotions of ‘the other woman’ and how considerately she is treated by Thalaivi is portrayed. When the son of the heroine is playing, the Parathai thinking no one is around, comes and hugs him affectionately. The heroine witnesses this and embraces her saying ‘Don’t worry, you are his mother too.’ The empathy portrayed is indeed surprising given the situation.
Finally, it is an age old technique to praise or glorify some actions / nature of suppressed that is advantageous to the suppressor. This maintained the status quo to the suppressor’s convenience. Similarly Sanga illakiyam talks about the beauty, good character, greatness, nobility, large-heartedness etc., of woman even exceeding the praise of man’s valour and bravery. Even though the man visits a concubine, it is not severely condemned. It is sometimes portrayed as if it is the greatness of the woman who sacrifices her rights so that the man can have a good life.
However, the poetries are of great literary value and is rendered with boundless beauty and brevity. The contents need not be taken as a prescription but instead as a description of the life and times as it existed. The gender discrimination and bias is prominent throughout the literature, as it is so in many other literature too of that period. Therefore, we could do well to remember these lines in Pavanandi Munivar’s Nannool. ‘It is not wrong to remove or change the old rules and replace it with new ones according to the change in times.’ It is unfortunate that these wise words have been ignored for a long time especially in the case of gender equality.
References:
http://www.tamilvu.org/library/libindex.htm
Book : Tolkāppiyam in English by Dr. V.Murugan Published by Institute of Asian Studies, Chennai
The author can be contacted at equalgenderpro@gmail.com
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