Not only for girls

– By Geetha TG

The fight for Gender equality has been seen as a woman’s issue mostly and that is why the current UN campaign ‘He For She’ focuses on creating solidarity – ‘brings together one half of humanity in support of the other of humanity, for the entirety of humanity.’ The gender imbalance is perceived to be completely in favour of boys and it is wrongly construed that boys would lose out when girls are empowered.

When we conduct gender awareness sessions for children, school authorities often assume that we would want to talk only to the girls and ask, ‘Why do you want to talk to the boys ?’ While there is some merit in discussing some topics in segregated groups, for gender awareness we insist on conducting joint sessions. During the sessions while girls respond enthusiastically we find boys demur and act disinterested. We take efforts to make our approach inclusive. And we wonder whether we err by overcompensating for the fact that in mixed groups boys are addressed more while girls are ignored. In our last session, one boy gave this feedback: “It was a motivating session for girls.”

Gender Awareness, we explained, helps boys to free themselves from the Manbox and expand their choices. We also talk about the arbitrary nature of gender binary in our sessions and discuss the problems faced by transgender persons. Understanding that gender is a social construct would make them realize that they are not bound to follow the random norms of a patriarchal society. Recently we attended a workshop on Child Sexual Abuse conducted by Tulir and the discussions there clarified even further the importance of creating gender awareness in boys. Gender awareness sessions empower not only the girls but is a liberating and empowering idea for everyone.

Our sessions are interactive and we discuss gender, gender roles, stereotypes, choices, patriarchy and so on. We encourage children to open up and share with us their experiences. It has been heartening to note that while girls understandably complain about the unfair treatment meted out to them, we have had boys openly decrying that they have not been allowed to share household work and that their sisters are badly treated. By creating awareness in boys, we focus to create discussion on the following aspects which would make them understand how gender equality impacts boys.

1. Encourage Communication:

Often boys are discouraged from expressing their emotions. It is painful to hear a wailing child being told not to cry because ‘he is a boy.’ To process pain, sadness and disappointment without crying might be difficult. However one emotion that is tolerated, even subtly encouraged in boys is anger. Another is aggression. Interpersonal communication would be better if boys learn to express a range of emotions.

Boys often undergo bullying without seeking help as they feel ashamed. Bullying is a serious issue and when not resolved it manifests as a severe problem. Similarly Child sexual abuse affects boys as well. While the society rightly cares and worries about the abuse suffered by girls, the abuse faced by the boys is seldom visible. Our patriarchal culture expects boys to be strong and deal with problems themselves. Even while teaching personal safety education to children, we do it with the fervent hope that the child’s learning is never put to test – it is not the responsibility of the child to stay safe from abuse. It takes a community to protect a child. We hope that being aware that the ‘macho’ male is a gender construct and that they need not adhere to it would free the boys to communicate openly and seek help when they need.

2. Develop Empathy

Gender awareness would help boys to develop a very important attribute – ‘Empathy.’ One film which we have found to strike a chord in boys is the one about an Egyptian male journalist who dresses as a woman and walks the roads. The harassment he faces and his subsequent interview is an eye-opener. When a child is able to empathize with another there is a lesser chance of the child turning out to be a bully or a harasser or an abuser. Empathy is an immunization that ensures children do not grow up to be perpetrators of sexual abuse or bullying. Focusing on preventing the influx of potential perpetrators is one way to tackle the problem of child abuse.

3. Promote Accountability

By creating awareness in boys about gender issues, we hope to hold them accountable for their actions. We seek to educate them about informed and enthusiastic consent. Repeatedly talking to our boys about ‘No is a no’ is very much required in the face of what the media throws at them. Further we also tell them that ‘silence is definitely not acquiescence’ countering a Tamil saying – ‘Mounam sammadham.’ We also talk to them about victim blaming. In many films, a man’s criminal behavior is excused by blaming the woman’s dress or her actions. We explain to them the irresponsibility of such blaming and that the statement ‘boys will be boys’ is a great disservice to them condoning misbehaviour and holding them unfairly to lower standards.

Our hope is that such Gender Awareness sessions would empower children by making them understand their choices and responsibilities and help them grow into humanists. To quote from Emma Watson’s speech at the United Nations, ‘Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong.’

The author can be contacted at equalgenderpro@gmail.com. Please contact us if you are interested in organizing Gender sensitization programmes in schools/colleges and workplaces.